i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
