she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
