just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
