This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
