??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
