I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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