This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
