And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
