I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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