pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
