After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
