Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
