my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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