so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
