I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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