wrigley field is MILF paradise
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
