YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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