glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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