Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
pray to the hookup gods
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
