Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
