I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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