just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
