with your own penis?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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