I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
