In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
