based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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