he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
