i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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