I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
