apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
