Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if only i could text you this smell
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
