If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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