My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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