I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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