my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
