you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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