so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
