Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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