Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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