you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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