I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
