She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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