I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
