It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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