dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
