I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
