I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
