sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
