the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
