When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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